Moneyball was such a great movie, and one of my favorite lines from Billy Beane is "I hate losing. I hate losing even more than I like winnning. And that's a problem."
I think one aspect of mental toughness is the ability to get into a hard situation, sucking air, someone depending on you and/or giving you instructions, and not freak out, not panic, not get upset. I am really terrible at that aspect.
Well, maybe there are a few other aspects of mental toughness. Dedication. Showing up when you're scared. I can do those things. I can wake up early and go to Crossfit 5 times a week. (The hard part is not going every day.) And I can show up even when I'm scared of the workout. But sometimes showing up isn't enough. Sometimes I am scared of the workout and when I show up it is still a lot worse than I thought it would be.
When I get to a certain level of out of breath, I feel like I'm having a panic attack, which sets off a vicious cycle of breathing even harder and panicking more. It's worse if I have observers. Even more so if I'm partnered with someone. My Crossfit intro workout back in October was a partner workout. With jump rope. I never wanted to come back again.
So a long partner workout, especially with someone who is a lot better than me, is a test of my mental toughness that so far, I fail. A long partner workout where I injure myself is about the worst thing I can imagine. Welcome to today.
In teams of two, complete this 30-minute AMRAP:
400 Meter Run
30 Box Jumps (24″/20″)
30 Wall Ball Shots (20#/14#)
Team members will alternate tasks, with only one member working at any one time.
Last week when I was doing sprints I felt something pop painfully in my calf. Today I did the first run and felt it again. And I still did the first round of box jumps, which was probably a mistake. It was probably a good move to admit that I was having a problem. Coach Sara switched me to 24" box steps and rowing, so at least I didn't have to scratch.
My partner and I did 5 rounds + 1 run + 3 box steps. And I failed, very much, to exhibit the sort of mental toughness that I would like to.
But the only thing I hate worse than failing is giving up, so here is the plan to address my lack of mental toughness:
1. Don't run or jump for one month. February 20, I will try running again and see how it goes. This has nothing to do with mental toughness, but I need to do it anyway.
2. Conquer wall balls. In the next month I will do Karen twice, once with 10# and once with 14#.
3. In the next month do at least two chipper workouts, longer than 20 minutes. I'm confident in my ability to handle a 20 minute AMRAP, or something that takes up to 20 minutes. Beyond that, I am not.
4. Do any partnered workout that comes up, because they are so likely to push me to panic faster than a workout I'm doing on my own.